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Children are Sensitive to Conflict

While children of all ages are sensitive to parental conflict, they adapt in different ways. Severe parental conflict may lead to a range of behavioural, emotional, academic, health, and social problems in your child.

Children Respond and Adapt in Different Ways

A plant can sense and cope with harsh conditions such as drought by slowing or stopping growth, redirecting energy resources to protect itself from stress-related damage. Similarly, your child may try to control their experience of parental conflict in various ways to regain a sense of emotional security, which can be a drain on their developmental energy to grow.

Prenatal: Mothers who are stressed by conflict or the experience of violence during pregnancy can over-produce the stress hormone, cortisol, which can lead to long-lasting changes in their unborn child’s brain.

0–4 years: Parent conflict is particularly tough for children, as they are not born with any ability to control, or escape, the stress they feel. To cope, they may become watchful and jumpy, or very withdrawn.

5–12 years: Children typically may want to help parents in conflict by trying to distract them by misbehaving or stepping in.

13–17 years: Teenagers are more likely to try to avoid the conflict, often by hiding in their rooms, or being at other friend’s houses.

Children who witness severe and ongoing parental conflict may display:

• ‘Acting out’ (disruptive, impulsive, angry, or hyperactive behaviours)
• ‘Holding in’ (depression, anxiety, and withdrawal)
• Academic problems (learning, poor school grades)
• Health problems (digestive problems, fatigue, reduced physical growth, headaches, abdominal pains, difficulty sleeping)
• Social and relationship problems (such as difficulty making and keeping friends)

خواطر

Consider whether and how your conflict might be related to your child’s behaviours. Do they happen on a regular basis? Are they distressing to your child and those around them? Do they persist over a period of time (a month or longer) or across situations (at home and at child care/school)? If so, it might be time to get support or advice.