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Looking for love in all the wrong places

She can’t seem to meet the right man despite good relations.

QUESTION:

I am a 32-year-old woman, leading a happy and successful life. Successful that is, except for relationships with men. I have no problem relating to men at work, most of my colleagues are men. But outside work the men who seem to be attracted to are weak and dependent types of personalities. What am I doing wrong?

ANSWER: 

If you constantly find you are attracted to men with characteristics you don’t admire, examine the whole procedure you go through in meeting, being attracted to, befriending and establishing a relationship.

You may be meeting men in the wrong places. Are you mixing with people who have similar value systems and expectations to your own?

Perhaps there are certain physical attributes and mannerisms you like, which can be typical of the personalities you describe. A boyish self deprecating charm, for example. Can you recognise similarities in looks and behaviour in those you have met? Or because you are happy and adjusted you attract men who are not.

Be cautious about how much of yourself you reveal in the beginning. Let the man do the talking.

The most successful relationships tend to be those where neither person has major needs which they see the other person as ideal to meet. When you consider entering a promising relationship, first establish the expectations each of you have of yourself, each other and the relationship.

Counselling would be valuable to coach you on how to skilfully steer through this frustrating trial and error part of life.

Submit Your Questions

Have you got a question you’d like us to tackle?

Fill out the form below or send questions to Family Forum, The Advertiser, 31 Waymouth St, Adelaide 5000.

We treat communications in strict confidence except when the law demands otherwise, as in child abuse.

Relationships Australia SA appoints panels of general practitioners, medical specialists, lawyers, therapeutic and financial counsellors to discuss each letter before the appropriate professional answers it.

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