Family Forum – Mum’s ‘who is the daddy’ dilemma

Family Forum answers a 27-year-old mum to be dilemma – what should she do? What would you do? Find out more with some great advice from Family Forum…


Should I confess? Should I remain silent? That’s the dilemma I face.

I am a 27-year-old woman who has been married for just less than a year.

Earlier this year I spent time holidaying overseas. Enjoying my freedom, I spent the last three days of my holiday at the resort having sex with more than one man. I am now with baby, three and a half months pregnant. My husband thinks the baby is his.

What should I do?


The panel understands this is a complex dilemma and believes there are many issues to work through. Consider the following before deciding what to do.

Is there a possibility your husband knows or suspects he is not the father and is going along with the deception, or that when he finds out he will be ok with it?

Could the child’s appearance or blood group would rule out your husband as the father?

If not, would later discovery effect the trust in the relationship, especially if they were led to believe otherwise in the intervening years?

Is there a chance your husband is in fact the father?

Confide in your GP or obstetrician and arrange testing for sexually transmitted diseases, if you have not already done so, as some infections can cause complications or be transmitted to the child at birth. If you have an infection you will need to tell your husband about it.

The consultation may enable you to discuss the rights of the unborn child, including knowing their genetic heritage for medical and other reasons.

Talking with a trusted person such as a doctor or professional counsellor can also help you explore your own values in relation to the dilemma you face.

Avoid basing any decisions on the experiences of one group you talk to but seek professional support to work through the issues, consider a variety of perspectives and provide some guidance in making these difficult decisions.

Take time to reflect on any fears you have about telling your husband, if it is safe to tell him and then whether you can manage the consequences.

Addressing these issues may help prepare you for a full and frank discussion with your husband if that is the path you take. You can explain why you told him and encourage him to see that despite your actions, you are considering others in your handling of the situation.

Submit Your Questions

Family Forum is a panel of general practitioners, medical specialists, lawyers, therapeutic and financial counsellors to discuss each letter before the appropriate professional answers it. The panel is appointed by Relationships Australia SA.

Have you got a question you’d like us to tackle?

Fill out the form below or send questions to Family Forum, The Advertiser, 31 Waymouth St, Adelaide 5000.

We treat communications in strict confidence except when the law demands otherwise, as in child abuse.